i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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