smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
