I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
