rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize