I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
