I'm eating all of the evidence.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
