Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
