he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
