I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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