Pants 0. Shit 1.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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