she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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