I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
