drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
im on a boat
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