THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
