He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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