All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
how drunk are you?
Several
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
