i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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