Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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