If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
