Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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