I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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