shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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