I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
