I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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