when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
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yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
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The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You've changed since you got that strap on