we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
