Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
