Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
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i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth