I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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