I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
