i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
