put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
