ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
