Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
