so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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