did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
