My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
