what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
