went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
