he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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Can I color on your dick again?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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