Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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