It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
