I wish I only lived at night.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize