I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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