the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Two words: blizzard sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
