i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
