I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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