i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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