Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
