Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
