Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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