You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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