Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
