he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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