I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we're making bets on your personal life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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