jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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