Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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