I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
