i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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