Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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