We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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