just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
