I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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