I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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