u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
