I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
