Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
